Getting into an Art Gallery.

As an artist you are also an art salesman. Especially if you are trying to get in a gallery by going to Thursday night openings. If an art opening starts at 7 get there at 7. The owner will be anxiously milling about wondering if anyone will show up and there you are. Dress noticeably well. Look like you walked out of the pages of Vanity Fair magazine. Do not dress in a painter’s uniform of Dr. Marten’s, tee shirt and paint splattered pants. That look is over. Get a nice suit from a thrift store and have it tailored for about $14. If you are female do not show up in clothes you have made yourself. Do not try to look “interesting”. Get a perfume spritz and buy something hot at Bloomingdale’s. Return it the next day.

Compliment the director/owner on their insight and fine choice of art. Even if, and it surely will be, a horrid a pile of dung. Laugh rotundly at any attempt at nervous wit he or she may proffer.

Emperor’s Clothes

Yogurt Lid

At the risk of being called a Philistine* or at best an ignorant art buffoon (again) herewith an opinion. The Gabriel Orozco show at MOMA, a glorious institution whose fine reputation has again been recently sullied by the idiotic show of Tim Burton’s doodles, has now fallen prey to the Emperor’s Clothes syndrome affecting all the contemporary showcases loosely called museums and overstuffed “important” Chelsea galleries. Any art student will roll his eyes and recite the John Cage mantra- ‘art is everywhere’ all you have to do is look for it.

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